The truth is.. I'm going through this period where I really don't know what to say, but I felt a prompting to show up this evening. For whatever reason I thought I'd just come here directly and speak what I know comes from the true spaces of my heart, not just a shell of my heart. We can call this a random assortment of thoughts I've been having recently. The jumble and scramble of my own thoughts can be so loud and writing has always been my personal therapy. So here it is.. here is my therapy and me in a very unscripted form. It's a journey of seeing where this blog takes me, but I hope this can allow you to get to know me better.
I came here with the intention to write and say what I wanted to say, but it quickly came with feeling the pressure to write from a faithful (Catholic) perspective. I'm going to be honest, blunt if you will.. I no longer feel the pressure to do that. I also don't want to do that. I have to honor where I am at without excuses, justifications and constantly trying to hold tightly to an image of what I think people will want from me or the person I think people need me to show up as.
I made a rule for myself. I will not share anything through my blog or social media that I would not be comfortable sharing with someone I met up with at a coffee shop. It's my golden rule/my boundary with social media if you will. Everyone is different and I've decided that this is a healthy boundary for myself. I'm not wavering there.
I love joking around. Humor you could say is an outlet and a way of life. Laughing is an important medicine for me.. I have a somewhat dry and quirky sense of humor.
I'm not.a brand and it's not my thing to try to pretend to be. I think it's awesome that people build careers on social media and maybe I'd like to do that too (I've always wanted a reason to get a ring light), but I still don't won't be a brand. I'm a human full of joys, awkward silence, big bold dreams, defeat and so much evolving. How does one brand that? Hmm.
I grew up "pretending" I was on a Talk show and have often pretended someone is interviewing me about my experiences. Maybe it's the Leo sun in me (haha). I'm not sure why, but I love speaking and I'm more comfortable in front of a camera then I let on. I like the camera.
I have my moments of reserve. I like to retreat by myself. I think it surprises a lot of people. I actually don't like to talk all the time and will get randomly quiet, probably because I'm going into my inner world. Just let it happen.
Somedays I record little clips of me singing on my phone and I really enjoy it.
I love the Bachelor/Bachelorette and you know what, I do like following along with their whereabouts. I'll say it.
Some of my most watched/listened to Youtube channels and podcasts are Spiritual in nature. I'd say one of my favorite Youtube channels is Brian Scott's channel (The Reality Revolution). I also just finished reading a book called, "The Power of Now" by Eckart Tolle. It was so enlightening and that's the way I like it..
I have a dry erase board in my kitchen and my current thing written out is - A mediocre life was fun until it just wasn't anymore. <3. Xoxo Kay
Happiness and joy both matter. Christian influencers like to throw around buzzwords about happiness being fleeting or that we don't deserve it or whatever else kind of nonsense. I don't agree with that. We ALL deserve to feel happiness and joy.
I've always wanted to learn how to surf.. no really.. always. It seems exhilarating, yet I know I'll fall.. and look so silly. Apart of me just wants to look silly. Like what do I have to prove?
I do not have one dream. I've wasted too much valuable time wishing and trying to be that person.. ya know that one person that has had a vision for their life since they we're like five. I was always so envious of that person who just knew. Like why wasn't my intuition awake enough to tell me my life purpose? But the truth is, I don't know if that one person actually exists. It was merely just an illusion, a character of a person romanticized in my head, completely fiction. There to keep me questioning and comparing myself to a false person who was "figured" out.
I've known situation-ships when it comes to dating. & I know I won't be in a situation-ship again.
I like planned phone calls. I do not like spontaneous ones. However, I do like spontaneous hangs and road trips so I'm an odd duck sometimes.
I wear a butterfly necklace everyday for a few reasons and I see them everywhere (yellow ones specifically).
I'm guarded with an open heart. Does that make sense? Sometimes it does in my brain (haha).
I drink Chamomile tea probably about 4 days a week.
I like to dance around in my kitchen. Sometimes I think I wish more people saw it? Just those moments that get so lost with media and everyone running into the illusion of living their own separate lives.
I'm showing up for myself in a way I haven't before, but there is that little ego-ic voice in the back of my head saying, "What if people don't like this Kayla?" & to that I'm pushing through and saying, that's okay and I'm okay.
Just some thoughts from yours truly.
Xoxo Kay